How to Support a Friend Going Through Grief Without Saying “Let Me Know If You Need Anything”

When someone we care about is grieving, we want to help. But we often don’t know what to say. So we default to the one-size-fits-all line:

“Let me know if you need anything.”

It’s well-meaning—but let’s be honest: it’s not very helpful.

Grief makes it hard to think, let alone reach out and ask for help. So if you really want to support someone, skip the vague offers—and show up in ways that make a real difference.

Here’s how.

1. Be Specific

Instead of saying “let me know,” offer something tangible.

Try:

• “I’m going to drop off dinner Thursday night—okay if I leave it on the porch?”

• “Can I take the kids for a couple of hours this weekend?”

• “I’m heading to the store—text me your list.”

• “I’ll check in with you Friday. You don’t have to reply, but I’ll be thinking of you.”

Specific offers remove the burden of decision-making and make it easier to accept help.

2. Show Up Without Pressure

Sometimes the best support is silent support. Text to say you’re thinking of them. Send a card or voice note. Sit with them without needing them to talk or be okay.

Grievers often feel like they’re supposed to perform strength. Make it clear they don’t have to with you.

3. Avoid “At Least” Statements

Don’t say:

• “At least they’re in a better place.”

• “At least you had time to say goodbye.”

• “At least you were only together a short time.”

These may come from a place of comfort, but they often feel invalidating.

Instead, try:

• “I can’t imagine how hard this is.”

• “I’m here with you.”

• “I don’t have the right words, but I care deeply.”

4. Keep Showing Up—Even Weeks Later

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. The casseroles stop, the texts slow down, and the world moves on—but the person grieving is still hurting.

Set reminders to check in weeks or months later. Say:

• “I was just thinking of them today—wanted you to know you’re on my mind.”

• “How’s your heart doing this week?”

• “Still here. Still care.”

This matters more than you know.

5. Respect Their Boundaries

Some people need space. Some want company. Some don’t know what they need. Follow their lead.

If they don’t want to talk, don’t push. If they cancel plans, don’t take it personally. Just stay gentle and available.

6. Don’t Wait to Be Asked

Grieving people often don’t know what they need—or feel too exhausted to ask. Your proactive presence says, “You don’t have to carry this alone.”

That’s more powerful than any perfect words.

Final Thoughts

When someone you love is grieving, your presence is more important than your perfection.

Don’t wait for them to reach out. Reach in.

Say less. Do more. Love louder. And if all else fails, just sit beside them in the dark until the light starts to return.

Want more tools for supporting someone through grief? Explore our counselling services at Alberta Online Counselling