Understanding the 5 Stages of Grief—And Why They’re Not Linear

If you’ve ever lost someone or something important to you, you’ve probably heard of the “5 Stages of Grief.” These stages—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance—were originally introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her groundbreaking work on death and dying.

But here’s what many people don’t know: Grief doesn’t move in a straight line.

It’s not a neat checklist. It’s not a one-and-done process. And it’s certainly not something you “get over.”

Grief is messy. It loops back. It repeats. It evolves.

Let’s explore what these stages really mean—and why it’s completely normal to move through them in your own unique way.

The 5 Stages of Grief—What They Really Look Like

1. Denial

This stage protects us from the initial shock. You might think:

• “This can’t be real.”

• “There must be some mistake.”

• “I just saw them last week.”

Denial gives your mind time to adjust. It’s your brain's way of cushioning you from pain that would otherwise feel unbearable.

2. Anger

Anger is a natural response to loss. You might feel rage at the person who left, at yourself, at God, or at the unfairness of it all. Many people feel guilty for their anger, but it’s part of the process. Anger gives us energy—it’s often a bridge out of the numbness of denial.

3. Bargaining

This stage is often filled with “what ifs” and “if onlys.” We replay scenarios in our mind:

• “If I had only…”

• “Maybe if I had done something differently…”

It’s a way of trying to regain control in a situation where we feel powerless.

4. Depression

This isn’t clinical depression—it’s the deep sorrow that sets in once the reality of the loss sinks in. You may feel heavy, withdrawn, or exhausted. This stage is a natural part of grieving—not a sign that something is wrong.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean you're “over it.” It means you’re beginning to adjust to life with the loss. It may come in waves. It may coexist with sadness. It might feel like peace, or just a quiet ability to function again.

Why Grief Isn’t Linear

You don’t move cleanly from one stage to the next. You might bounce between anger and depression. You might experience all five stages in a day. Or skip one altogether. And that’s okay.

Grief is not a process to complete—it’s an experience to move through. And it moves differently for everyone.

The Problem with the “Stages” Model

While the five stages can help name and validate the emotional chaos of grief, they were never meant to be a rigid roadmap. They were designed to describe what people often feel, not what they should feel.

Grief is more like a spiral than a line. More like ocean waves than stepping stones.

What You Actually Need During Grief

• Permission to feel it all (without judgment)

• Safe spaces to talk about it

• Rest and gentleness

• Support from people who get it

• Time (and lots of it)

Final Thoughts

There’s no “right” way to grieve. There’s just your way.

So if you’re grieving and wondering why you’re still angry… or back in denial… or feeling numb when you thought you were done—this is your reminder: you’re not doing it wrong.

You’re human. You’re healing. And you’re allowed to take as long as you need.

Need support through grief? Book a session today at Alberta Online Counselling and find space to process, feel, and begin to rebuild.